oh wow yesterday i got a fancy new blog, i felt like a caveman who
just received a ferrari. There i was barely figuring out how to roll
my recently invented wheel AKA “The Internet” down a hill and some
dinosaur AKA “My Coach” gives me a ferrari with a license plate that
says BLOG. Running a finger over it’s gentle slopes I repeat the word
over and over sounding like true caveman.
“blog! blog! blog. blog?”
I sat there gazing over this strange bright red item and i realize i
have no idea what i am supposed to do with it. The dinosaur opens a
side and i slide in, the seat appears to made from a animals hide but
when i try to eat it the dinosaur gets mad and growls.
“The Blog is not for salivating on or biting off more then you can chew”
I had no patience since i am caveman and i begin to thrash about in a
satisfyingly juvenile rage, breaking as much as i could, and the
“the Blog is not for pitching tantrums in”
Well i know i don’t want to sleep in the blog, it would be to
dangerous, the raptors AKA “the readers” would tear apart anything
that sat still in a shiny red Blog. In frustration i kneed some
special button and the growl of grumpy sabertooth rumbles the whole
Blog to life.
“Why did you cage a sabertooth in the back part of this Blog?” I
yelled over the sound, trying to flee in one piece but the dinosaur
puts his big greasy head down and whispers.
“Be calm Beau, the Blog is powerful once you learn how to use it you
can go anywhere and do anything but be carful for that same power can
hurt others or yourself. If you run anyone over i will take this nice
Blog away from you and will have to go back to playing with your rock
Had the breath of the terrible Coach dinosaur not been so repulsive I
surly would have passed on the Blog but i couldn’t think straight in
those fumes so i muttered.
“Okay i will be carful”
I of course punctuated that statement in typical caveman fashion by
defecating loudly all over the animal hide seat of the dinosaurs
precious Blog. The toothy wanna be dragon yelled one more warning
before leaving me be.
“Beau the Blog is definitely not for dropping pieces of sh*t”
I am not sure what the last word was because my elbow hit the wheel
in front of my seat and it made loud “honk” noise right in the middle
of the word. Eventually i cleaned up the smelly mess returning both
bottom and Blog to their squeaky clean state.
Now with little supervision i am ready to start learning what the
full potential is of this elegant red Blog that still smells slight
like poop yet grumbles with hidden powers. Now who wants to come along
for a ride? this beautiful ferrari has a nice unsoiled seat for one