Saturday, June 30, 2012

Magic Mike done right

Today i sat as i do most days wondering what male stripper movie i would watch, checking the local listings i came across, “Magic Mike” staring Channing Tatum, so I grabbed my basketball, took off my shirt, slung on my duffle bag, hung my aviator glasses from my mouth and went to learn some new moves. Me and the screaming young ladies and giddy gay men where not disappointed as everyone in the audience added their own sound track of hoots, hollers and tasteful cat calls to the collage of man flesh that gently suffocated the giant screen. We all learned that a mans pelvis does not have to follow the laws of gravity and if placed in nothing but a thong then it would transform into a gyrating torrent of tasteful teasing that could catch cash the way kansas catches tornadoes.
Being an aspiring writer and ultimate frisbee player means making actual money is only a mirage, so i would be lying if i said i didn’t go there with the intent of venture research.  There before my eyes men of similar stature and moral qualities had wads of dollars hung like ornaments off thong shaped christmas trees that left me feeling like maybe i was missing an integral part of life. 
The movie continued on, painfully bad dialogue mixed with kind of funny lines made for an acceptable passing of time until the next Channing strip charade could commence. You could tell his whole acting career had been preparing for this one movie where he gracefully combined all his other roles from, GI Joe, Step Up, Dear John into his chosen craft of stripping.  
Then of course there was Matthew McConaughey who like Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder finally got to be himself for the joy of most. Prancing and strutting about like a rooster who never met a better cock he ruled his hen house with an iron beak, letting the other chicks fight for the scraps. 
Inevitably the movie wound down, I will not spoil the ending but lets just say I ignored the last few scenes because magic mike kept making decisions that were not inline with my own desires. The credits began I gathered my new moves and my friends who i had dragged there under the guise of saying, it’s the highest ranked new movie on rotten tomato and headed directly to my full length mirror where I have been practicing ever since.


  1. Beau, you are hilarious. I miss your silliness :)

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